Hello! Lately I have
been feeling the urge to put some things down on paper. Or, since it is 2013, put some words on the
Internet or in a lovely Microsoft Word document. I did not realize how long it’s been,
exactly (my last post is dated September 27).
I have missed my child’s whole first year of Kindergarten! Where did time go? We are preparing for the last day of school. I am sad.
I cried the whole first week and now I am getting all weepy again. Next week, she “graduates.” I am praying to Jesus and all his friends
that I don’t cry again. These other
parents now officially know I am crazy as they have spent the last year
observing my antics. Nobody has called social services yet so I will consider
that a plus.
So much has happened in the past eight months. Many of these things have contributed to me
becoming a real and true hot mess. At
the end of October, I found out I may not be able to make any more babies
(probably not, to be honest). I had Laparoscopic surgery
in November and now we see what happens.
We are only willing to take this so far.
I never thought I would really, actually, have only one child. I have to be okay with this because it’s not
really up to me. It is difficult and I
struggle each and every day. There are
babies everywhere so not thinking about this is near impossible. In the rare moments I am not obsessing about
it, somebody wants to randomly address the age of my child and why she doesn’t
have a sibling or desperately needs one.
Seriously, many, many, many people are very open about their struggles
with infertility. How could a person not
be aware this goes on? Why do people
feel the need to ask such personal questions and then pass judgment when the
answer I give is generally, “I don’t know.
We’ll have to see what happens.”
The response is usually something like,” Well! You can’t have an only child!” I can.
I might. Mind your own
business. Then I am rude if I get
offended, right? You just asked me an extremely personal
question, to which the conclusion I want is decidedly out of my control and I
should watch how I respond to you?
Yes! Got it. I sound bitter. Following my November issues, the stress reached an all-time high. I am grateful my stress was only small as compared to the awful, horrible things happening in the world every day. But, nonetheless, I didn’t manage said issues very well and have since ended up with a severe case of TMJ, five colds and the flu or food poisoning. This was intense, let me tell you. I am still trying to rid myself of the TMJ which has spread to all the muscles in my neck, back and shoulders. I can barely move on a bad day but I will get rid of this. To say I have been an unpleasant person would be an extreme understatement. I haven’t felt “normal” in months. It is wearing on me. I see people running! They are all shouting, “Here comes that woman again! She’s going to talk about her aliments!” I swear I do not advertise it. Despite my best efforts to hide it, I appear to be in pain and people ask. I don’t need attention! I want to not think about it and move on! They say if you end up with a bad case, it can take up to a year for things to return to normal. No, just please, no.
In January, we had to put our beloved pet, Cole down. He was nearly 13. It was one of the hardest decisions we have ever had to make. I prayed he would just go to sleep and not wake up so we wouldn’t have to do it for him. The poor boy was suffering and I watched him barely even sleep for four days. The next step in his care would have been exploratory surgery. The vets couldn’t figure out exactly what was going on with him. We did not want to put him through that. He lived an awesome life. We took him in while Bird was at school. I fed him treats the entire way to the vet and he tried to jump off the table right before the doctor gave him that awful shot. We all miss him daily. Our other dog, Olive, is depressed and Bird insists he was her “best friend” (he hated her). Of course, she doesn’t really understand. I adopted him from a shelter when I was still in college. He was my buddy and I still miss him. He always knew exactly what I needed. Unless you have ever owned and loved a pet, this will make no sense to you. I am not nutty; my dog was awesome.
Despite her mother being mostly crazy, Bird has had a great year in Kindergarten. She loves school. She finally learned to read (she has been trying her entire life, I swear). I cannot keep up with her reading addiction. She loves books. Once she grasped the concept, she took off. She can read anything. I am totally bragging but my kid is a better reader than yours! She amazes me daily. On weekends, she wakes up and, rather than coming and finding her parents, she stays in bed with her books. I love her.
Bread is still awesome. Bragging again here but, my husband is still better than yours! What can I say, I am a lucky lady.
So, that’s a brief summary of my hiatus. I want to write. I want to laugh and make fun of myself. I miss it. Let’s have some shenanigans!
