When I look back on the past two years, I realize just how many life-altering changes I’ve made. I suppose it’s no wonder I am crazy. As if it’s not shocking enough just to have a baby, I also quit my job thus making us a single-income household and greatly changed my definition of self. As many have said before me, you can’t even imagine how much your life will change when you have a baby. I thought I was prepared; that’s a giant understatement.
The biggest struggle I’ve had since becoming a mother is maintaining my sense of self. I have struggled to hold on to the person I was before motherhood. I’ve had to let go of parts of my old being. That wasn’t as big of a deal as trying to establish who I am now, within the realm of motherhood, especially stay-at-home motherhood. When you tell people you’re a stay-at-home mom, they instantly change how they view you. Either they agree with you, are envious of you because it doesn’t work for them, or think you’re a moron. I can deal with the first two judgments; it’s the last one that really makes me angry.
The people who think stay-at-home moms are morons, including my neighbor, who I now avoid for this reason, imply or blatantly state that I’ve nothing to do since I “don’t have a job.” Now, while staying home with my daughter (for internetting purposes we shall call her Bird) is a blessing, it’s not all laughter and sunshine. It’s hard. There are days when I think it would be much easier to send her to daycare and hope that she turns out okay. I will never understand why people assume you have hours of leisure time. Hello? I am CARING FOR MY CHILD! This is something people who are unable to stay home with their kids PAY PEOPLE TO DO. How is what I do not a job? I like what I am doing but, please, do not assume that I’m sitting on the couch all day watching trashy television. Certainly my schedule is more flexible than someone who has a paying position but that does not make me lazy or provide me with hours of leisure time.
When my husband (here we will call him Bread, as in the bread winner) and I decided I should quit my job it was for the sanity of our household and the longevity of our marriage. I give working moms all the credit in the world; it’s the most difficult job I can imagine and I truly sucked at it. Anyway, in an attempt to bring some sanity to our lives, we decided I should stay home. In that decision alone, I gave up an entire piece of myself. The part of me that had a career was long gone. Gone also was the extra income that allowed us to do things like go on vacations, go to dinner, buy really expensive hair products (Bumble & Bumble, RIP) and pretty much whatever else we wanted. That’s another huge part of why those who imply I don’t do anything or have it so easy because I don’t work really irk me. It was a decision, for our family, that changed all of our lives, at least for now; we’ve all made sacrifices. Don’t judge me because you think my life is a cakewalk. Try it.
Our lives are easier now in some ways but much more difficult in others. I know it was the best decision for Bird. Her life was made simpler and easier and she gets to see her mom all day and spend quality time with her dad in the evenings and on weekends. I hope, and he claims this is correct, that the decision has been easier on Bread. I try to do most everything; I cook, clean, do the laundry and walk the dogs when it’s not 20 degrees and there is some light. I like him to just be able to come home and spend time with his family.
I’m not a moron for having made this decision. I am still a human being with a brain (or most of a brain anyway). People don’t assume teachers and daycare providers are morons because they deal with children. Why would I be a moron because I stay home with mine? I just can’t stand it. I’m not one of those people who can think of witty comebacks right away either. I can never think to point out the obvious.
I guess my point is: I’m not a moron. Being somebody’s mother does not solely define who I am. I love being a mom, but I struggle not to allow that to become all that I am. I have a brain. I use it, sometimes. I am a wife. I am a mother. I love my two dogs. I like to think of myself as a writer. I love books and I’m a huge magazine junkie. I think it’s glorious that you can pay someone $10 or $20 a year and each month they will send you a magazine filled with juicy little tidbits. And, directly to your house nonetheless! I love hair, makeup and clothes, although, I am currently questioning my fashion choices. I enjoy exercise; I don’t get enough and I struggle with my self-image. I like movies. I love, love, love television and think the DVR is one of the greatest inventions ever. I need at least seven hours of sleep. Cooking and baking are two of my new favorite pastimes. I am obsessed with Costco. Disneyland is not the greatest place on earth, it’s Costco. This is who I am. Take that, asshat of a neighbor. Judge not least thee be judged or something like that...
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Is This Thing On?
Someone once asked me what the song describing my life would be. After several hours on Itunes I discovered alas, there are no songs about crazy, stay-at-home moms. Hard to believe, I know, right? Nobody’s ever had a hit called, “I Let My Child Watch TV so I Don’t Have to Play with Her” or “I Started the Microwave on Fire Because I Don’t Know What the Fuck I’m Doing.” I’m sad. I could relate to tunes like these. I can also relate to “Bootylicious” but we’ll save that for another day…
Anyway, once upon a time I had a “career.” I did public relations for a non-profit. I did not love my job. It was a great organization but there is something not right about an introvert working in public relations. I hate people. Not you, of course, other people. My close friends would never describe me as an introvert. It takes me a while to get to know people but once I do it’s game on. I never stop speaking. I have no filter. I say the first thing that comes to my mind. I’m not mean. I just don’t think.
After five years of working at said hated job, my husband and I had a baby girl. I always planned to go back to work. As much as I didn’t love my job I was never one of those people who thought about being a stay-at-home mom. I was still paying on my student loan. I owe the United States Government some serious cash. I know people who were born to be mothers. It’s what they wanted and what they were born to do. I do not fall into this category. I suppose if I had it all to do over again I’d be a high school English teacher. Except I’d be hot and stylish, you know, not your stereotypical English teacher.
After three glorious months of maternity leave, I returned to my job. I was miserable there. I had a 45 minute commute each way, without the horrible traffic that was prone in that area. My boss was an awful person. I won’t go into that other than to say that when I was 8 months pregnant he interrupted a meeting to tell me I looked like shit that day. No joke. I missed my baby. After seven long months of misery, my husband and I found a way for me to stay at home. I was in heaven. This was going to be great. I would see the baby, workout, read, catch up on sleep, cook, do laundry, and walk the dogs…
Except it doesn’t really happen like that. I mean, it happens but not necessarily with ease or sanity. Obviously the needs of my child come first. My husband is gone all day. As in he leaves for work before we even think about getting up and returns around 6 PM. I have nobody to talk to. But, I said I hated people so everything is great, right? Wrong.
I realized it was sort of lonely having nobody to talk to all day. I started striking up conversations with people in the grocery store. Friends! I want to make friends! That old lady seems nice. We could hang out. I feel a bit lonely and I’ve been talking about starting this blog for a really long time. It’s taken me a year and a half to gather the courage to do it.
So here goes. This is my blog. I’m going to write about motherhood, wifehood, books, music, television, exercise (or lack thereof), cooking and whatever else I feel needs to be said. Maybe I’ll write a few songs. Perhaps something like “My Husband Thinks it’s Funny I had Shit on My Shirt All Day so I Hope he Chokes on his Dinner.”
Anyway, once upon a time I had a “career.” I did public relations for a non-profit. I did not love my job. It was a great organization but there is something not right about an introvert working in public relations. I hate people. Not you, of course, other people. My close friends would never describe me as an introvert. It takes me a while to get to know people but once I do it’s game on. I never stop speaking. I have no filter. I say the first thing that comes to my mind. I’m not mean. I just don’t think.
After five years of working at said hated job, my husband and I had a baby girl. I always planned to go back to work. As much as I didn’t love my job I was never one of those people who thought about being a stay-at-home mom. I was still paying on my student loan. I owe the United States Government some serious cash. I know people who were born to be mothers. It’s what they wanted and what they were born to do. I do not fall into this category. I suppose if I had it all to do over again I’d be a high school English teacher. Except I’d be hot and stylish, you know, not your stereotypical English teacher.
After three glorious months of maternity leave, I returned to my job. I was miserable there. I had a 45 minute commute each way, without the horrible traffic that was prone in that area. My boss was an awful person. I won’t go into that other than to say that when I was 8 months pregnant he interrupted a meeting to tell me I looked like shit that day. No joke. I missed my baby. After seven long months of misery, my husband and I found a way for me to stay at home. I was in heaven. This was going to be great. I would see the baby, workout, read, catch up on sleep, cook, do laundry, and walk the dogs…
Except it doesn’t really happen like that. I mean, it happens but not necessarily with ease or sanity. Obviously the needs of my child come first. My husband is gone all day. As in he leaves for work before we even think about getting up and returns around 6 PM. I have nobody to talk to. But, I said I hated people so everything is great, right? Wrong.
I realized it was sort of lonely having nobody to talk to all day. I started striking up conversations with people in the grocery store. Friends! I want to make friends! That old lady seems nice. We could hang out. I feel a bit lonely and I’ve been talking about starting this blog for a really long time. It’s taken me a year and a half to gather the courage to do it.
So here goes. This is my blog. I’m going to write about motherhood, wifehood, books, music, television, exercise (or lack thereof), cooking and whatever else I feel needs to be said. Maybe I’ll write a few songs. Perhaps something like “My Husband Thinks it’s Funny I had Shit on My Shirt All Day so I Hope he Chokes on his Dinner.”
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