Is This Thing On?

Someone once asked me what the song describing my life would be. After several hours on Itunes I discovered alas, there are no songs about crazy, stay-at-home moms. Hard to believe, I know, right? Nobody’s ever had a hit called, “I Let My Child Watch TV so I Don’t Have to Play with Her” or “I Started the Microwave on Fire Because I Don’t Know What the Fuck I’m Doing.” I’m sad. I could relate to tunes like these. I can also relate to “Bootylicious” but we’ll save that for another day…

Anyway, once upon a time I had a “career.” I did public relations for a non-profit. I did not love my job. It was a great organization but there is something not right about an introvert working in public relations. I hate people. Not you, of course, other people. My close friends would never describe me as an introvert. It takes me a while to get to know people but once I do it’s game on. I never stop speaking. I have no filter. I say the first thing that comes to my mind. I’m not mean. I just don’t think.

After five years of working at said hated job, my husband and I had a baby girl. I always planned to go back to work. As much as I didn’t love my job I was never one of those people who thought about being a stay-at-home mom. I was still paying on my student loan. I owe the United States Government some serious cash. I know people who were born to be mothers. It’s what they wanted and what they were born to do. I do not fall into this category. I suppose if I had it all to do over again I’d be a high school English teacher. Except I’d be hot and stylish, you know, not your stereotypical English teacher.

After three glorious months of maternity leave, I returned to my job. I was miserable there. I had a 45 minute commute each way, without the horrible traffic that was prone in that area. My boss was an awful person. I won’t go into that other than to say that when I was 8 months pregnant he interrupted a meeting to tell me I looked like shit that day. No joke. I missed my baby. After seven long months of misery, my husband and I found a way for me to stay at home. I was in heaven. This was going to be great. I would see the baby, workout, read, catch up on sleep, cook, do laundry, and walk the dogs…

Except it doesn’t really happen like that. I mean, it happens but not necessarily with ease or sanity. Obviously the needs of my child come first. My husband is gone all day. As in he leaves for work before we even think about getting up and returns around 6 PM. I have nobody to talk to. But, I said I hated people so everything is great, right? Wrong.

I realized it was sort of lonely having nobody to talk to all day. I started striking up conversations with people in the grocery store. Friends! I want to make friends! That old lady seems nice. We could hang out. I feel a bit lonely and I’ve been talking about starting this blog for a really long time. It’s taken me a year and a half to gather the courage to do it.

So here goes. This is my blog. I’m going to write about motherhood, wifehood, books, music, television, exercise (or lack thereof), cooking and whatever else I feel needs to be said. Maybe I’ll write a few songs. Perhaps something like “My Husband Thinks it’s Funny I had Shit on My Shirt All Day so I Hope he Chokes on his Dinner.”