Fall Lineup

If it were possible to blog by osmosis, I’d have had a summer filled with enthralling entries (I am deluding myself into believing what I’ve been saying here is that exciting). Alas, I’ve been lazy and neglectful. Summer was busy or, at least, I convinced myself I was too busy to blog. Truthfully, I just didn’t have much to say. But, over the past week or so, I’ve compiled a list of things I should or could write about. This is good.

This here blog is sort of like my connection to the outside world, I suppose. I feel better after I write a bunch. I especially feel better when people tell me they are enjoying what I’m writing about. This makes me happy (hint, hint). I kid, I kid. It’s as if my blog is a free therapist, one who makes fun of me almost as much as I make fun of myself. Almost.

Fall has sprung, people and I could not be happier! I hate summer. Gasp. I know. We wait the entire long winter to be outside, summer comes and it’s too bleeping hot to go outdoors. I do not like to sweat while I’m just standing. My hair does not like the humidity. My makeup (what makeup) runs. I need to be able to do my face. Fall is good for all of these things.

I have a sick child this week and I’m not feeling great myself (this no longer matters in the world of parenthood). Bird has a cold which, for her, can turn into something worse because she’s almost asthmatic. So, after a trip to the doctor, some medicine and a few days of watching too much telly, she’s feeling better. The meds! Let me tell you about the meds! They are like speed for a child. She has a breathing machine and the medicine that goes along with that proclaims a side effect to be hyperactivity as does the steroid they’ve given her. This is a minor understatement. Minor. The child cannot focus on anything. She has been literally bouncing off the walls, running from one couch to the other jumping, yelling and speaking in tongue. I swear. Last night Bread was trying to ask her a question and she was answering him by repeating the same undecipherable statement. She’s manic because she goes from that to crying and yelling. I’ve had to hide all the knives!

After she had her meds last night, she was running in circles. It was funny. I wonder, in the time of modern medicine, why there isn’t something else they can give them. It’s like, you have a sick kid, here’s some speed for her, now have her rest. WTF? So, she’s running in circles, stopping and, while still standing up, attempting to kick herself in the head and knocking herself down. All the while she’s doing this, she’s laughing. Bread starts laughing hysterically. I start laughing hysterically. We’re all cackling like a bunch of hyenas. We compose ourselves and I say, while nodding, “I think I need to hit that.” More hysterical laughter from Bread ensues. I don’t know, maybe you had to be there but it was comical. And, I do need to get some of that. Think of all that I could get done! The weight I said I was going to lose over the summer would melt off! It would be fabulous! I’m sort of serious. I’m getting desperate here, people.

So, fall is here, my child is on crack and I’m working on some posts. Life is good. I have a plan to write about several good things including: new recipes I’ve tried, fall fashion, tips for wedded bliss, television shows, old age and, of course, stories about my child because everybody cares as much about her as I do. See what you have to look forward to? I know. I know. The excitement!