Operation War on Yoga Pants

This begins the countdown to my independence. I am officially liberating myself from the yoga pant. I believe my happiness is directly related to my wardrobe. And, as of late, I’m having a bit of an identity crisis due to the fact that I spend an abnormal amount of time in pants made for exercising while I’m not actually, well, exerting myself in any way. In order to regain my sense of self, I’m removing the option of wearing yoga pants for anything other than yoga or exercise.

As a stay-at-home mom, I have many freedoms. I have the flexibility to make my own schedule. I can mostly do whatever I want each day. Probably better said, I can do whatever my toddler will allow me to do each day. I won’t go into the pluses and minuses of having the privilege of spending each and every waking hour with my daughter, but I will tell you about the glory that is my daily wardrobe choices! It’s a blessing and a curse, I tell you! If you’re like me, and feeling a wee bit chubby, the yoga pant is an excellent option. It’s elasticized! It’s like Spanx without all the shimmying! It’s black so, therefore, slimming, right?! It comes in boot cut or capri length! You can wear it with a tank top or a t-shirt! You can wear a hoodie with it if it gets chilly! If you wear it with tennis shoes, you will appear to be a fitness goddess!

Now, you folks reading this from your place of employment, in your suits and, hopefully not hose (I pray to Jesus your employer does not make you wear pantyhose), are probably thinking, what’s this bitch complaining about, I would love to sit around in leisure-wear all day. No! No! It makes you lazy! It possesses your mind! You will put jeans on, go out for an hour or two and come home only to immediately return to your elastic glory!

Seriously, people, I’ve had to perform an intervention on myself. No more yoga pants! I cannot! I feel like a slob! Basically, I get dressed each day, with my workout in mind. On most days, this does not happen until Bread gets home which is after 6 pm. This means, I spend days on end wearing only pants with a stretchy waistband since I generally go from working out to the shower and my pajamas (sorry if I just ruined the notion you had of me lounging in lingerie). This is messing with my psyche. I need to wear regular clothes, put make up on and style my hair.

In order to solve my problem, I’ve declared tomorrow, Monday, September 13, 2010, the beginning of Operation War on Yoga Pants! I shan’t wear them! I have spent numerous hours reading magazines and scouring the internet for “cool” clothes. I am officially a wealth of fall fashion knowledge. I have purchased some clothing I believe will meet my needs and make me feel like a “normal” human being.

What is the first mission in this war, you ask? After consulting some mom friends, I’ve decided that my exercise time shall be first thing in the morning. I shall rise, with Bread, at six in the morning and have my daily workout routine completed by 7:30 am. At this time, Bird will be allowed to join me, if she’s awake. I shall feed her and get her situated for her morning episode of Sesame Street, at which time I will be able to shower, dress and put on some make up (gasp), if I haven’t already done so. God bless Jesus for having a plan! I am committing to do this each and every week day. I shall be feeling normal in no time! Next week I shall tackle nightly snacking!  Baby steps, people!