Google that Shit

I do not have much to post about these days. I can summarize what is happening in my life, as of late, in about a paragraph. I am enjoying the warmer weather. I am getting outdoors to exercise. I am ceasing to stuff my face constantly but struggling to lose the 10 or so pounds I gained (also beating myself up about this a lot). I have been cooking, cleaning and reading. Bird has been pleasant. The fits have ceased (mostly) but, I understand that I’ve just cursed that. Bread has been working about 60 plus hours a week and we’re working on possibly planning a long weekend journey to the beach. Oh, and my dogs are still crazy. That’s it! Whew! I’m exhausted.

Now, here’s a little something that makes me laugh. Perhaps you’ll find a chuckle as well. I find Google to be an amazing resource. I use it constantly. I’m always saying, “Google that shit.” I’m constantly pondering what our mothers did without Google. How did you find out why your child was shitting green? What did you do when you realize, half way through a recipe, you don’t have enough baking soda and you need to know what you can substitute? I have got to hand it to our ancestors; life was definitely rough on the frontier…

I know that others like to Google as well. I say this, as though it’s a pastime, although, perhaps, for some, it is. I feel sorry for these people as their lives are even more lackluster than mine. Anyway, some peeps have recently found to my site via Google. Here is a list of things they were searching for: pooped in her pants, adult diapers, pulled pork and domestic diva. The seeker of adult diaper information did not stay long. Come back! We promise not to make fun of you…

Anyway, that’s not all that humorous but, what is funny is the auto fill function on Google. You’ll be typing away and then you can see what others are searching for. For example, Bread and I were having a conversation about the old 80’s sitcom, The Facts of Life. It used to be one of my favorite shows. We were talking about the characters and how George Clooney used to be on it. Somehow, we ended up searching for information on the character, Blair. As Bread was typing it up, “Blair’s retarded cousin” was coming up. What? Who is searching for that? And, she had Cerebral Palsay,BTW. Assholes.

When my good friend, Malbie lost her job we were hanging around one afternoon, trying to find her a new career. She declared that she liked to paint her nails. And, so it was decided that she should open a nail salon. Of course we had to Google that shit. We were searching for opening a nail salon when we saw that others were searching for, “Why Asians open nail salons,” as well as, “Why Asians so smart.” Clearly it wouldn’t take much to surpass your wealth of knowledge, dumbass.

Recently, my former coworker, who is pregnant, informed me that she was trying to find out if she could dye her hair while she is knocked up. She knows I have a fascination with this and informed me that she typed in; “Can I dye my hair while I’m pregnant,” and, “Can I get pregnant by a dog” came up. WTF? There are that many people seeking this information that it’s the first thing to come up. I’m dumbfounded! I also believe this is hilarious. Personally, I feel secure knowing there are so many less intelligent human beings on this earth…

So, Happy Tuesday, y’all! That was a bit of random miscellanea brought to you by Jessie Domestic. Enjoy your day!