Is This How Romeo Impressed Juliet?

Yesterday, despite it only being about 50 degrees, we decided we had to have ice cream. Actually, it was frozen custard to be exact. We were in the area where we used to live and just had to hit this place that has the best EVER.

We huddled in our car with the heat on. I was also using my heated seat; life is good when your ass is warm and you’re enjoying a tasty, frozen treat. As we were pulling out of the parking lot, Bread, the lovely man that I wrote about yesterday, um, how shall we say, broke wind. I immediately began to gag and rolled down the window. He apologized and about 10 seconds later put the window back up.

Bread: “Why are you frowning?”

Me: “Because you did that and the heat is on and then you put the window up.”

Bread: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put the window up. I thought it was gone.”

Me: “It wasn’t gone. The heat was on. I feel like I’m going to vomit. Actually that wouldn’t be a bad idea because then it wouldn’t go straight to my thighs!”

Bread: “You’re welcome.”

Me: “For what?”

Bread: “Helping you with your eating disorder.”

Me: “I hate you and I’m so going to write about this.”

Approximately three minutes elapse.

Bread: “I’m holding it in for you and I’m getting a stomach ache.”

Me: “Oh, geez.”

This happens on a day when, over dinner, Bread told me he was flattered by all the nice things I said about him. He asked why I didn’t write about all the bad stuff. I told him it was because the good overshadows the bad. I am beginning to rethink that statement after he tried to suffocate me. I take it back! I take it back!