Potty Training 101

Here we are, back at Monday and I wish I had something exciting to post about. I don’t. Unless you consider potty training to be a thrilling experience. If you do, you probably need to seek psychiatric help. Reading my blog is not going to help you with that. If fact, it will probably only drive you further into the perils of your sickness because all I have to offer is a whole lot of crazy.

So, potty training…Have you been there and done that? I’ve been afraid to even mention it because, we all know, when something is going well (yes, I’d say it’s going well) and, you talk about it, all hell breaks loose. But, it’s working. We attended a birthday party yesterday and Bird stayed dry the whole time! Yes!

We started potty training about two months ago, did it for about three weeks and finally realized it was not time. Since then, I have read a bit more about it, and Bird has definitely become more interested. We checked out a whole stack of books from the library and explained (repeatedly) to her that when she no longer needs to wear diapers during the day we will get her a sandbox like the one her friend, Sydney has. In my short time as a parent, I’ve learned that the best way to get your child to do anything is bribery. You better believe Girlfriend is into the sandbox. She talks about it daily.

We’ve been hitting this whole potty training thing hard since Thursday. I’ve heard that it’s best to just stay home and let them run around either naked or, in training pants. We’ve been rocking the Disney Princess underpants. We actually scheduled our entire weekend around this potty training event. That’s when you know you live on the edge; your plans actually revolve around your toddler’s potty training schedule. Yes! No wonder so many people are beating down our door with invitations to social events. Actually, we are super cool so we do alright on that front. Or else we’re just attracting more nutters…

Things I’ve learned in the past three days: I have more patience than I thought I did, my little girl is just as smart (and cute) as I thought she was and, most importantly, there is a use for Urine Gone. Seriously? Have you seen this stuff advertised? Bread and I are always laughing about this. Who has so much of a urine problem that they need to buy a specific product to take care of it? Not only that, but who needed to use the whole product and then purchase a 48 OUNCE REFILL! Holy shit! Er, I mean, holy urine! WTF?

That brings us to Saturday night. Bread and I are making our bed (see previous comment about how exciting our weekends are) and Bird is happily playing dress up in my closet. She’s walking around in my shoes, just having a good old time. And then she shouts, “Oh no! I peed in my shoe! I have to go potty!” Oh, no, you actually peed in my shoe. My brand new shoes that I’ve only worn once! There was a puddle! Where in the hell is the Urine Gone when you need it?