As a general rule, I don’t love people. I like people when I meet them; rather, I give everyone a fair chance. It’s the general public that really gets on my nerves. Society as a whole is a bunch of inconsiderate jerks. So today, I am writing about those things that irk me. Be warned this is not a complete list and I reserve the right to add to it at any time. Here are my current beefs in no particular order:
1. I despise people who refuse to say “excuse me.” I am a mom. But, contrary to popular belief, I do not have eyes in the back of my head. If you’re standing behind me, I can’t see you. All you have to do is say those two words and I’ll move. This doesn’t just apply to people standing behind me, although this seems to be the most ignorant variety of offenders. On more than one occasion, while I was out shopping, someone has actually stood and made eye contact with me waiting for me to read their mind. Note to all: I’m not doing that anymore; those days are over. You have been warned. You don’t scare me with your 1980’s hair and your fanny pack. Yeah, lady from Costco, I’m taking about you. Seriously, somebody’s going to catch me on a bad day and I’m going to show them what a real nutter I am. Call security!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? A salesperson. At my door, while my child is napping. First, I didn’t request your free estimate/product/religion. Second, I have a child and you fools love to come while she is sleeping. I have two dogs who will bark their heads off at you-intruder! Stay back! I treasure nap time. This is when I do my internetting. I get rage at these people. Most times I don’t answer but sometimes, when I look out the window, we make eye contact. Once I had a guy trying to sell me windows (ours are newer) while smoking a cigarette! Nothing against smokers but something about you blowing smoke in my face while insisting my windows are not energy-efficient doesn’t exactly spell winning sales pitch. And what can you do? They know where you live. Now that I’m thinking about it, I’ve never actually had a religious visit. I’ve seen them in my neighborhood many times but they’ve never come to my door. Perhaps they heard I cannot be saved…
3. Let’s talk about restaurant employees who do not take my child’s nut allergy seriously. Um, hello? She could die and you’re “fairly certain” there’s no nuts in whatever we are ordering for her/you’ll be sure to let someone in the kitchen know. I know it’s really inconvenient for you to have to walk to the kitchen and double check that everything is safe. I spent five long years as a waitress while I was in college so I get it. She is cute and happy and charming. I’m not a doctor or anything but I’m fairly certain that it would be a giant mess if her face started swelling and she exploded. It’s going to take a lot of energy to clean that up. Eff off!
4. How about Moms who wear “mom jeans.” You’re giving the rest of us a bad name. Stop.
5. My neighbor. You are not nearly as glamorous as you think you are. I truly am glamorous so I know this to be a fact. You are not in the club.
6. Lastly, I think I should talk about customer service in this country. I take where I spend my money very seriously. I do not shop at Walmart because their service is horrible. My biggest peeve in regards to customer service is when you are making your purchase and the cashier does not even greet you. Not only am I coming to your store/place of employment/the place where you get a PAYCHECK from, I’ve also made a purchase. Without people like me you would not have a job. How about a hello? I would even settle for eye contact. That would be lovely. I think if more consumers took this seriously many, many places would be out of business. Sadly, I fear my beloved Target is about to join this list due to an unfortunate trip to three stores in order for me to obtain eye cream. My eyes were puffy and you bastards wouldn’t help me find the cream I needed.
Obviously I know there are much bigger things happening in the world. I get that. This is my world and the shit that really pisses me off! I am a crazy, stay-at-home mom. I'm on the brink. I suffer from lack of adult interaction. These people walk a fine line.
I totally agree on the "excuse me" issue. I had the same thing happen to me at Costco. Some one sniped about me because there was a woman behind me who couldn't get through. People I have two kids in this huge cart so if you want to get by let me know. I can't turn my back for a second or my toddler might throw strawberries at you well she wouldn't do that she would probably just eat a ton of them and get strawberry goo everywhere. Anways you get the point...I'm busy & distracted so don't be shy and speak up!!! (sorry you hit a nerve with this one)
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