I Think I Love You. What Am I So Afraid Of?

In honor of today being Friday, a day that many people love, I shall write about one of my loves. I am going to try and do justice to a love that goes so deep it may be beyond words. Costco, I love you.

For some time, I was in denial over my affections for this glorious retail establishment. Then, friends and relatives started pointing it out here and there and, soon, it came to light that I may have a bit of a problem. One might even go as far as to say an obsession.

My mom taught me to love a good deal. She used to warn me not to buy things if they weren’t on sale. She taught me to use coupons. To this day, I do not like to buy something if it’s not on sale. I will wait unless I really need it. I don’t care if it’s only $10; if it’s not on sale I’ll wait.

The thing about Costco is: it’s always a sale! A bargain! There are even store coupons! This makes an even bigger sale!

I know how much everything costs at Costco in comparison to what it costs at say, Target. I do have trouble with paper towel and toilet paper. I let that one slide; I guess I’m too exhausted after knowing that pork tenderloin is $2.99 per pound at Costco and almost never goes on sale for less than that at Kroger. Plus, they trick you with the TP by giving the price per square foot rather than roll so it then becomes a freaking mathematical story problem and I never loved those.

Why do you need 20 pounds of flour you ask? Why would one buy an entire case of diced tomatoes when they only need one or two cans? Because. Why not? I actually have a stock of things in my basement (our little home does not have a pantry-my next house must). Some of my dear friends don’t even know about this; I am adding fuel to their fires.

I need to be clear: I am not a hoarder. I buy what we need and what we will use. And, we take our trash out every week. Have you ever seen Hoarders? Watch it. I guarantee you’ll walk away feeling like you have the cleanest house ever. Anyway, there is a limit to how much I will stock up on. It’s just very difficult for me to turn down a good deal. We have certain things that we’re always buying at Costco because it is significantly less expensive than other retail establishments. They put out coupons for an even bigger sale.  It's like the greatest day of the month when those coupons arrive.  My mom friends and I are furiously texting to see if the other got her coups yet.

Bread is used to my obsession; he says he loves it. I think, he could care less but he does a really good job pretending like he does. On days when I think I’ve really gotten a good deal, I will actually keep things out to show him. Or, I’ll chase him around with the receipt and read off everything I found. I then make him guess how much I spent. He plays along. I can’t help it. I want to share my joy with others.

It’s my job to save us money. Bread works really hard, six days a week, so I can be home with Bird. I need to make lots of healthy meals and have lots of options for what he can take to work for lunch and sometimes dinner. When produce is not in season here, it’s hard to beat Costco’s prices on fresh, fruits and vegetables. They also have lots of organic, which I try to buy, when it’s affordable. The way I see it, the more money we save on necessities like groceries, the more money we have for fun and exciting things like lipstick and hair products. I seriously need to be a spokesperson for this place. I’m not kidding.

It’s getting to the point where I buy almost everything we eat there. I do clip coupons but we don’t eat a lot of the processed stuff that they put coupons out for. I hear a lot of mom’s talking about this or that being on sale here or there. I think some moms go to several grocery stores a week. How do they have time for this? Costco! Costco! It’s not just for families either. You can freeze it! Besides, where else can you go and purchase a treadmill, new glasses, a novel, a track suit, five pounds of chicken nuggets and Rogaine?

I think that’s enough for now. I have to stop somewhere. I also have eight cases of tomatoes to put away and enough rice to feed the entire neighborhood. But it was on sale…